hi my name is group and I think co-founder of an organization that faces
co-founder of an organization that faces
co-founder of an organization that faces our projects in West Africa and India
our projects in West Africa and India
our projects in West Africa and India when someone in Cameroon meets me for
when someone in Cameroon meets me for
when someone in Cameroon meets me for the first time they say that they’re
the first time they say that they’re
the first time they say that they’re shocked because they thought that
shocked because they thought that
shocked because they thought that someone with my type of power would be a
someone with my type of power would be a
someone with my type of power would be a man in India I’ll be at a meeting and
man in India I’ll be at a meeting and
man in India I’ll be at a meeting and ask someone a question only to have them
ask someone a question only to have them
ask someone a question only to have them answer back to the man next to me
answer back to the man next to me
answer back to the man next to me because as a woman I am NOT worth
because as a woman I am NOT worth
because as a woman I am NOT worth answering back to I’m sure that many of
answering back to I’m sure that many of
answering back to I’m sure that many of you in this room have had to use type of
you in this room have had to use type of
you in this room have had to use type of an actions when you’re traveling and
an actions when you’re traveling and
an actions when you’re traveling and someone says something to you that’s a
someone says something to you that’s a
someone says something to you that’s a bit off and you either brush it off as
bit off and you either brush it off as
bit off and you either brush it off as cultural differences or you take the
cultural differences or you take the
cultural differences or you take the time to explain to this person why what
time to explain to this person why what
time to explain to this person why what they said would be considered strange or
they said would be considered strange or
they said would be considered strange or funny in the country where you’re from
funny in the country where you’re from
funny in the country where you’re from now imagine having to explain this to
now imagine having to explain this to
now imagine having to explain this to someone every single day for the past
someone every single day for the past
someone every single day for the past six years because you work in a country
six years because you work in a country
six years because you work in a country where it’s unfathomable that a woman can
where it’s unfathomable that a woman can
where it’s unfathomable that a woman can be the CEO of an organization that has
be the CEO of an organization that has
be the CEO of an organization that has helped over 80,000 people and manages a
helped over 80,000 people and manages a
helped over 80,000 people and manages a team of 20 when someone in a rural
team of 20 when someone in a rural
team of 20 when someone in a rural community meets me for the first time my
community meets me for the first time my
community meets me for the first time my appearance is as stark as a lamb
appearance is as stark as a lamb
appearance is as stark as a lamb bleating a pack of lions in Cameroon a
bleating a pack of lions in Cameroon a
bleating a pack of lions in Cameroon a person of power it is usually a tall
person of power it is usually a tall
person of power it is usually a tall overweight man whose wealth is
overweight man whose wealth is
overweight man whose wealth is manifested by how big his ally is
manifested by how big his ally is
manifested by how big his ally is everything about me communicates that I
everything about me communicates that I
everything about me communicates that I can’t be a person of power and everyone
can’t be a person of power and everyone
can’t be a person of power and everyone I make feels the need to point this out
I make feels the need to point this out
I make feels the need to point this out to me either out of surprise or shock in
to me either out of surprise or shock in
to me either out of surprise or shock in Cameroon the women I work with have been
Cameroon the women I work with have been
Cameroon the women I work with have been dusting their whole lives to be married
dusting their whole lives to be married
dusting their whole lives to be married and to be that housekeeper of their
and to be that housekeeper of their
and to be that housekeeper of their homes they have to cook for their
homes they have to cook for their
homes they have to cook for their families of 10 and the men and children
families of 10 and the men and children
families of 10 and the men and children have to get the best servings of food
have to get the best servings of food
have to get the best servings of food before they’re allowed to get their
before they’re allowed to get their
before they’re allowed to get their share on top of all the housekeeping the
share on top of all the housekeeping the
share on top of all the housekeeping the child’s care and the cooking that they
child’s care and the cooking that they
child’s care and the cooking that they have to do they also have to attend to
have to do they also have to attend to
have to do they also have to attend to their farms and carry gallons of water
their farms and carry gallons of water
their farms and carry gallons of water back and forth from their homes for
back and forth from their homes for
back and forth from their homes for hours of the day the woman who decided
hours of the day the woman who decided
hours of the day the woman who decided to veer off this path aren’t respected
to veer off this path aren’t respected
to veer off this path aren’t respected for their decision and are seen as for
for their decision and are seen as for
for their decision and are seen as for taking their responsibilities to their
taking their responsibilities to their
taking their responsibilities to their families I often wonder how my presence
families I often wonder how my presence
families I often wonder how my presence as a working woman that doesn’t
as a working woman that doesn’t
as a working woman that doesn’t family can be seen as a betrayal as well
family can be seen as a betrayal as well
family can be seen as a betrayal as well I often get questions from women of how
I often get questions from women of how
I often get questions from women of how many children do you have
many children do you have
many children do you have and when I say none they look at me in
and when I say none they look at me in
and when I say none they look at me in complete horror and then put a spell on
complete horror and then put a spell on
complete horror and then put a spell on me so that I’ll be blessed with children
me so that I’ll be blessed with children
me so that I’ll be blessed with children soon
despite this norm I’ve seen women who
despite this norm I’ve seen women who crave more than these household roles
crave more than these household roles
crave more than these household roles that they were born into I’ve seen women
that they were born into I’ve seen women
that they were born into I’ve seen women lead a hundred others to carry materials
lead a hundred others to carry materials
lead a hundred others to carry materials per project builds I’ve seen primary
per project builds I’ve seen primary
per project builds I’ve seen primary school girls to proudly declare that
school girls to proudly declare that
school girls to proudly declare that they want to be a lawyer when they grow
they want to be a lawyer when they grow
they want to be a lawyer when they grow up and I’ve seen women nominate
up and I’ve seen women nominate
up and I’ve seen women nominate themselves for leadership positions in
themselves for leadership positions in
themselves for leadership positions in their communities I can’t take credit
their communities I can’t take credit
their communities I can’t take credit for all these women I’ve seen rise up
for all these women I’ve seen rise up
for all these women I’ve seen rise up but maybe in that moment they felt
but maybe in that moment they felt
but maybe in that moment they felt validated or little braver because there
validated or little braver because there
validated or little braver because there was another woman in the room who was a
was another woman in the room who was a
was another woman in the room who was a leader herself and it didn’t feel as
leader herself and it didn’t feel as
leader herself and it didn’t feel as taboo to announce this desire out loud
taboo to announce this desire out loud
taboo to announce this desire out loud my relationship with men in these
my relationship with men in these
my relationship with men in these communities have been completely
communities have been completely
communities have been completely different men view me in a different
different men view me in a different
different men view me in a different light I once had a man announced before
light I once had a man announced before
light I once had a man announced before a meeting that everyone had to lower
a meeting that everyone had to lower
a meeting that everyone had to lower their voices because my small female
their voices because my small female
their voices because my small female voice didn’t project when I spoke I
voice didn’t project when I spoke I
voice didn’t project when I spoke I couldn’t quite figure out how to
couldn’t quite figure out how to
couldn’t quite figure out how to continue with an ounce of authority
continue with an ounce of authority
continue with an ounce of authority after he made that announcement in front
after he made that announcement in front
after he made that announcement in front of 200 people but from that point on I
of 200 people but from that point on I
of 200 people but from that point on I taught myself to stand and project when
taught myself to stand and project when
taught myself to stand and project when I spoke so that no one would call my
I spoke so that no one would call my
I spoke so that no one would call my voice small again I had to continue
voice small again I had to continue
voice small again I had to continue adopting this stance to stop the primary
adopting this stance to stop the primary
adopting this stance to stop the primary the numerous private meetings that men
the numerous private meetings that men
the numerous private meetings that men would request with me where instead of
would request with me where instead of
would request with me where instead of talking business they would go on and on
talking business they would go on and on
talking business they would go on and on about how pretty I was the whole time in
about how pretty I was the whole time in
about how pretty I was the whole time in order to survive as a leader I could
order to survive as a leader I could
order to survive as a leader I could never let a hint of my womanhood
never let a hint of my womanhood
never let a hint of my womanhood manifest in my mannerisms my tone of
manifest in my mannerisms my tone of
manifest in my mannerisms my tone of voice or my choice of words a while back
voice or my choice of words a while back
voice or my choice of words a while back I had another instance where I was
I had another instance where I was
I had another instance where I was attending the funeral of a close friend
attending the funeral of a close friend
attending the funeral of a close friend of mine and I was in the village where
of mine and I was in the village where
of mine and I was in the village where he was being buried and after the
he was being buried and after the
he was being buried and after the funeral I found myself hanging out with
funeral I found myself hanging out with
funeral I found myself hanging out with a bunch of his extended
a bunch of his extended
a bunch of his extended we’re all sitting in the circle sharing
we’re all sitting in the circle sharing
we’re all sitting in the circle sharing fun memories of this person we all
fun memories of this person we all
fun memories of this person we all dearly missed
dearly missed
dearly missed as the evening continued and uncle from
as the evening continued and uncle from
as the evening continued and uncle from the family came up to me and said you
the family came up to me and said you
the family came up to me and said you know since you’re not married and you’re
know since you’re not married and you’re
know since you’re not married and you’re a friend of the deceased you’re supposed
a friend of the deceased you’re supposed
a friend of the deceased you’re supposed to marry me everyone that was a man in
to marry me everyone that was a man in
to marry me everyone that was a man in that circle egged him on and insisted
that circle egged him on and insisted
that circle egged him on and insisted that I had to marry him that it was only
that I had to marry him that it was only
that I had to marry him that it was only proper to do so with the situation at
proper to do so with the situation at
proper to do so with the situation at hand of my friend passing away the first
hand of my friend passing away the first
hand of my friend passing away the first time I took it as a joke but when they
time I took it as a joke but when they
time I took it as a joke but when they wouldn’t stop badgering me after the
wouldn’t stop badgering me after the
wouldn’t stop badgering me after the tenth time I completely lost it I went
tenth time I completely lost it I went
tenth time I completely lost it I went on a rant on how disrespectful insult
on a rant on how disrespectful insult
on a rant on how disrespectful insult saying their being and I couldn’t stop
saying their being and I couldn’t stop
saying their being and I couldn’t stop myself from all these words are spilling
myself from all these words are spilling
myself from all these words are spilling out of me because I was so horrified
out of me because I was so horrified
out of me because I was so horrified that they were being serious my diatribe
that they were being serious my diatribe
that they were being serious my diatribe went on and on because I felt this power
went on and on because I felt this power
went on and on because I felt this power being sucked out of me I was so confused
being sucked out of me I was so confused
being sucked out of me I was so confused as to why my identity as a working
as to why my identity as a working
as to why my identity as a working professional in the community quickly
professional in the community quickly
professional in the community quickly switched to a woman who needed a husband
switched to a woman who needed a husband
switched to a woman who needed a husband there’s nothing creepier than a group of
there’s nothing creepier than a group of
there’s nothing creepier than a group of men staring at you intently because they
men staring at you intently because they
men staring at you intently because they truly believe that they have the right
truly believe that they have the right
truly believe that they have the right to choose who you’re going to marry you
to choose who you’re going to marry you
to choose who you’re going to marry you don’t even ask if I was interested in
don’t even ask if I was interested in
don’t even ask if I was interested in the guy because that didn’t matter as a
the guy because that didn’t matter as a
the guy because that didn’t matter as a woman there are places in this world
woman there are places in this world
woman there are places in this world where it is my birthright to marry to
where it is my birthright to marry to
where it is my birthright to marry to merge my identity and power with man as
merge my identity and power with man as
merge my identity and power with man as soon as possible
I held on that night and kept defending
I held on that night and kept defending myself but I don’t think it meant
myself but I don’t think it meant
myself but I don’t think it meant anything to anyone but me what do you do
anything to anyone but me what do you do
anything to anyone but me what do you do in the situation though what would you
in the situation though what would you
in the situation though what would you do is it your responsibility to tell
do is it your responsibility to tell
do is it your responsibility to tell others how they should treat women with
others how they should treat women with
others how they should treat women with respect when their country says
respect when their country says
respect when their country says otherwise say your responsibility to
otherwise say your responsibility to
otherwise say your responsibility to take a stand and we see horrible acts of
take a stand and we see horrible acts of
take a stand and we see horrible acts of violence and news of discrimination
violence and news of discrimination
violence and news of discrimination against women around the world and we
against women around the world and we
against women around the world and we tell ourselves I would never let that
tell ourselves I would never let that
tell ourselves I would never let that happen to me or why isn’t anyone taking
happen to me or why isn’t anyone taking
happen to me or why isn’t anyone taking a stand why isn’t anyone defending these
a stand why isn’t anyone defending these
a stand why isn’t anyone defending these women I’ve come to realize how
women I’ve come to realize how
women I’ve come to realize how incredibly privileged we are to ask
incredibly privileged we are to ask
incredibly privileged we are to ask these questions and make these
these questions and make these
these questions and make these statements when you’re born in a country
statements when you’re born in a country
statements when you’re born in a country as an equal you have an actual
as an equal you have an actual
as an equal you have an actual opportunity to earn your power you
opportunity to earn your power you
opportunity to earn your power you cannot earn your power in a place that
cannot earn your power in a place that
cannot earn your power in a place that ranks you based on your gender and
ranks you based on your gender and
ranks you based on your gender and limits or quality from the moment that
limits or quality from the moment that
limits or quality from the moment that you’re born even if you earn that power
you’re born even if you earn that power
you’re born even if you earn that power elsewhere your power can not cross
elsewhere your power can not cross
elsewhere your power can not cross borders you can accept this as reality
borders you can accept this as reality
borders you can accept this as reality and say this is just how it is as long
and say this is just how it is as long
and say this is just how it is as long as I’m visiting here and this is how
as I’m visiting here and this is how
as I’m visiting here and this is how it’s going to be for the women that live
it’s going to be for the women that live
it’s going to be for the women that live here but the truth is the moment you
here but the truth is the moment you
here but the truth is the moment you accept this undeniable discrimination
accept this undeniable discrimination
accept this undeniable discrimination you are complicit and furthering it you
you are complicit and furthering it you
you are complicit and furthering it you are an accomplice so everything you say
are an accomplice so everything you say
are an accomplice so everything you say falls on deaf ears because as a woman in
falls on deaf ears because as a woman in
falls on deaf ears because as a woman in a foreign country you have no power you
a foreign country you have no power you
a foreign country you have no power you start from the beginning you use that
start from the beginning you use that
start from the beginning you use that voice that earned you power in a
voice that earned you power in a
voice that earned you power in a different world and you say you
different world and you say you
different world and you say you shouldn’t be shocked that I’m a woman
shouldn’t be shocked that I’m a woman
shouldn’t be shocked that I’m a woman and a person to power I can be both you
and a person to power I can be both you
and a person to power I can be both you demand that your colleague answers your
demand that your colleague answers your
demand that your colleague answers your question with direct eye contact and you
question with direct eye contact and you
question with direct eye contact and you keep showing up and repeating yourself
keep showing up and repeating yourself
keep showing up and repeating yourself until it’s not weird to anyone anymore
until it’s not weird to anyone anymore
until it’s not weird to anyone anymore that a person of power can look like a
that a person of power can look like a
that a person of power can look like a 5.3 woman without a belly it may not be
5.3 woman without a belly it may not be
5.3 woman without a belly it may not be your responsibility to teach others how
your responsibility to teach others how
your responsibility to teach others how to treat women but it is your
to treat women but it is your
to treat women but it is your responsibility to stand in your power so
responsibility to stand in your power so
responsibility to stand in your power so that
that
that act as a stepping-stone for those around
act as a stepping-stone for those around
act as a stepping-stone for those around you who need it
”
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