hello I set foot in my
first war with a huge ball
at the belly
immerse myself in the noble in the heart
the noblest of this craft cover the
most violent crises
those in which we will never again
had always been my dream since the
beginning of the Gulf War I
so steeped desks from
the weekly international mail
but it took me several months to find
courage to resign to become
freelancers or rather to become me
I was 29 years old not a dime in his pocket
I was a little bohemian and I decided
to follow a humanitarian organization
who was leaving for bosnia a little to
let’s go back true with the desire to
touch this job to the heart but the fear
to not be able to support the
trip to bosnia was to last ten days
I stayed two and a half years
been snapped up by history
I was contaminated by the virus of the
war from the first day I
started working for the figaro
and very quickly it was the gear jallet
from village to village from front to front
I attended the operations of
ethnic cleansing
I could not stop anymore I was taking
bigger and bigger risks I
could no longer come to an order is well
I can not continue
see the facts that it would make me go
come back
sorry I was dreading this white actually
and it’s white that came from
risks here I ‘m sorry I was coming over to
to stop I took risks of
bigger and bigger I was going all the way
time under the shelling
I put out the bulletproof vest
English called me deceive death but
me yet in my job
actually cover wars that was the
most exciting thing in the world
in fact when we cover a war we
sees the story being done in
direct she literally springs from
earth and when one is a journalist
it’s really the top but there was
something else at the time too for me
it was the best way to access
grail the grail it was the service
international newspaper
national and in this environment exclusively
male I knew that to buy my
place I had to do more and
better than men and so I do
explode all the boundaries
I did not realize at the time what
damage it could cause but he
there are other things in fact also in
wars human relations are
completely multiply the masks
fall and social cover slips the
trivialities disappear in fact the
people are really themselves some
make up for a game turn out to be
cowards others imagined
choir turns into a hero
contrary to what we think
wars are not done that
of atrocities the wars also carries
stories of love and friendship
absolutely extraordinary
a war that extracts the worst of
the human being but also the best I
must recognize him
I also had something else to cover
war for me it was a way of
life a way of life made of freedom
of adrenaline of bursts of laughter at night
whole to remake the world around
a bottle of crazy local alcohol
ride in 4 4 connecting
the fronts it was that too this mode of
life in fact the story is so
strong the one that comes I have some
thing in me that makes me stop
in fact I am from chamonix
the city of extreme sports
I paced the mountain since my
younger age I was raised in
nature and in the snow at the pace of
charge
I lost a lot of loved ones in
this mountain that kills I never imagined
not cover doing this job by staying
in an office with schedules with
a hierarchy
for me it was impossible
that’s missed by the fact
here
I will go into the story the one
that in 1992 a fall day
the story has turned against me
I live unpleasant the capital of the
croatia i share an apartment with
an american journalist friend and a
morning I woke up with
the impression of having slept well and
to have for once escaped
insomnia that punctuated my sleep
since I was covering this war I
jumped from my bed I press
the switch and the scene remained
black I groped
until the living room I was surprised they
always make it so dark and there my
friend laura to scream he knew law
trapeze at the tap and pay at the buttocks
so I put my hands on my face
I felt my swollen burning skin
inflated I had been transforming myself
face it had become a huge balloon
all super years I can open the
eyelids I had ping balls
pong instead of eyes
it was panic
I became what elephant man
which had happened during the night to
that I can transform myself as well
what did I do what
I was allergic to something
would I stifle the
Croatian doctors we exclude the dam of
queen who made me one or two
bites but I have not deflated I
stayed two days have a
apartment without being able to go out in
being extremely anxious in the face
burned I had become a
monster and I did not understand why
it must be said that for six months I had
not stopped I had chained
surveys and reports probably
too hard for me I had spent two
days on a mass grave at mostar a
Half Croatian city half
Muslim who was bombarded by the
Serb forces
from the hills I had witnessed
the exhumation of the corpses about 300 a
big bulldozer was coming out of the ground
putrefying body
some still had their hands tied
in the back a lot had been
murdered with a bullet in the head
there were a lot of women and
a lot of kids when I got home
in my split hotel on the coast
Adriatic
I had to throw away all my clothes and
also my shoes I had taken
several showers in a row but
the haunting smell of death do not leave
not she was in my hair in
my nails absolutely everywhere she
did not want to go away I kept it
olfactory memory
as I have kept the memory
auditory shelling I hate
the fireworks and then I had
also worked on the degradation of
relations between Croatians and
Muslim
it’s a second war that was
add to the first best known
between the Serbs and the Croats then
obviously when we look for love they
ended up finding her
and I found it every time I
found myself trapped at the bottom
of a valley at the edge of a ravine when
Croats and Muslims started
to shoot at each other from the hills
who dominate the place where I was
so I had to crawl for hours
with my passport in my right hand
in the left hand a white handkerchief
that I was agitating all that to extract myself
from this hell and then I also had there
work on rape of women
muslims by the Bosnian Serbs
During months
I had walked all the camps
refugees from the region I had
collected from 10
two testimonies I had all the
evidence that I needed it even
who was incredible managed to speak
to hangmen eh ben I’ve never
written I could never write the paper
it was absolutely impossible in fact
I felt like I arrived at
After what is and relatable to
the readers but also for me
it was my first war I did not
did not know my limits and the war
it’s a drug
an addiction that I was going to put
long to heal myself as my face
turned into that of a monster
when I became schuman elephants
who returned to paris I asked
a friend who come to pick me up
never the airport but we know found
for the fact that he did not recognize me I am
went to the hospital saint-louis in the
dermatology department and there I was
do all the possible tests and
imaginable
we never found anything
of allergy were negative in fact
I had nothing even sent
pictures of my face to
foreign specialists
in vain
those stays at saint louis gillet that
the morning I made them entrecoupait
stay in bosnia because in fact I
could not help but go back to
sarajevo the call of the war was
too strong so I leave tech of the
cortisone i stayed 15 days and when
I had to stop
cortisone with my face was recovering
to inflate and ben I go back to holy
louis
however since quite soon enough when
even I had suggested to doctors
who obviously was helpless
disease that was probably
psychosomatic origins I have them
explained what I was doing the way
which I practiced this profession what
I had lived in recent weeks
in recent months but every time I
I was hitting a wall a possible he said
we’ve never seen such a thing before
dermatological reaction following a shock
emotional or emotional it’s impossible
so I was desperate actually
because I was starting to have the
certainty that I could not live
a long time like that it was not
possible it was too hard actually I
could not even go out on the street
to buy a baguette it worked
I did not get there
and then one day after about
three months the doctors of saint-louis
advised me to go elsewhere
they told me in other hospitals
other doctors may have
other ideas but we at the holds and
they said and if you really care
your psychosomatic stories you
can always go see in the
hallway next door knocked on the door
of madam so
she claims to be psycho dermato but
we do not take it seriously
I was absolutely furious who put k
it is the existence of this woman if
long gone furax from the service I
slammed the door and I went
knock on the desk I was told
I summarized my story in a few
phrases and the specialist very
naturally gave me an appointment
next day in his private practice
she just told me three words she told me
says ‘ he’s no longer looking for you ‘re for
me
the therapy lasted less than two months
four or five sessions during
which she analyzed my dreams and
a day or rather a night the disease
is gone I will tell you how I
leaves had I dreamed that I was giving birth
of a giant spider
it makes you laugh me a monster at a walk
become a species of tarantulas
gigantic came out of my body I got
am awake in breathless age with
the heart that was beating at 150 then
absolutely convinced that I was going to die
under the bites of this species of
imaginary beasts but when I
resumed my spirits
I understood I understood that in fact the
sickness the evil was out two months
so the dermato confirmed my
diagnosis she told me it’s good you
are healed you no longer need to
come back to wash the air a little astonished
and she told me yet when I told you
have seen you arrive with your allergy
in the war I thought we had
for ten years after this story I
is paying a lot more attention
avoided spending two days on a
charnel-house
I took I try to take
distances with local people
I told myself I was telling myself it’s not your
war is not your story but I
started a little bit to stabilize myself
in fact I started to be scared
the war was getting heavy
I met my future husband is then
when a newspaper offered to go
russia and change of air basically I said
yes or rather we said it yes because
my husband had also been offered the
same thing so we left but like
I said it just now the war
it’s a rock it’s an addiction and
plunge back into scarcely did I put the
feet in Moscow because the war of
Chechnya started again and I
been snapped up the trick started again
jallet more and more away from more and
closer to the shelling I could
actions intends to stop it’s a drug
in fact I needed war one
day during the fall of grozny and I’m
remember hesitating with a friend of
liberation the city was in the process of
fall
I did not know if I had to stay or not
every day but he was leaving me
I said I want to stay but
I would like the newspaper to tell me
ask then I call the head of desk
at the time his name was jean jacques
and I say good is Jean-Jacques this is
stalingrad the city will fall every
days is not it then I can not
want paper because it will have more
satellite phones but I can
stay if you want and that’s what got me
said ma d’isobel it would not hurt that the
figaro be the last newspaper to stay
in grozny during the fall of the city
at the precise moment they present or
wii pronounce sentence a bomb dropped
by an airplane falls on the piece in
which I am I found myself
under the table in the middle of the dust
in the middle of the rubble at the edge of the void and
the phone had been ripped off from
my hands by the breath of the explosion
but I could hear jean jacques
who was screaming in the isabelle earpiece
had to return immediately
between the planes the tanks the snipers
the helicopters the exit of grozny has
apocalyptic summer
I will remember it all my life during
all these years in bosnia in
Chechnya
I did not give up my life as a woman on
the field I was a little a guy have
did one but it did not bother me
because I had been a tomboy
when I was little but in my life I
I had two children
beautiful
I had a lot of energy and I
managed to cumulate everything even though I
did not really do things
orthodox way
I never took maternity leave
I covered the war in Chechnya
pregnant nawak anyone
it’s not things I’m very
proud today during the war of
Chechnya
I never remade giant allergy
but every time I crossed
my limits every time I went
too far I became depressed I
could not sleep anymore I was crying
all the time I was fragile
I had more confidence in me
did not go to me when I returned
in Paris I did a psychotherapy
I tried to have a huge need
and that’s where I understood this is where
that I understood after several months
where did this attraction come from?
I had for the war I lost my
mother when I was 20 years old in a
avalanche to chamonix
she died in January but we have
found his body in June only
after snow melting
I did not go to his funeral
it was too hard
I preferred to live in denial I
not accompanied my father who all
weekends with ski poles go
search the avalanche snow for
try to find the body of my
mother
this denim accompanied during
years he haunted my days and my
nights and I think in hindsight that he has
partly shaped what I am
today my character
my personality actually but I
understood in fact I understood that in
covering a war I found my
mother because I put myself in a
situation in which I was risking me
also in my turn a violent death
from the moment I understood
this fundamental thing the war is
become much less indispensable for
I continued to cover
conflicts iraq but Afghanistan more
in the same way I was crossing
much less my limits because in
did I knew them now and then
after I divorced
I decided to stop reporting
war my family life had become
too complicated and it did not stick with
the way I lived my life
professional but there was at
on top of something else
there was a call that came from
inside me I had to
change of life so at the beginning I will
not hide that it was extremely
difficult since it’s a drug
the war so I was stamping on every
once a conflict started I was
frustrated I wanted to go I was
unbearable to the newspaper my boss on
called me nitroglycerin
and it stayed me higher in the
newspaper
so I found other experiences
extreme to compensate for as cover
a marathon for example and then after
a few months things went
eased
it was getting better and better
I managed to wean myself off the war
it’s as if I had done a cure
detox
today I take care of the questions of
strategy diplomacy and I love it
recently one of my friends at the newspaper
who also did war reporting
asked me isabelle it does not fail
to go cover the war that starts
in Mosul one against the jihadists in
Iraq
I said absolutely not and you
he told me yes yes today I
know my limits I crossed it
almost never again I stop
always on time in most
areas
I took a long time to acquire this
knowledge of me and this distance
vis-à-vis the outside world who before
we completely invaded the lines
reds of each are rarely the
same and it belongs to each of
find me since I identified
mine it’s a lot better
today I am convinced of a
thing when we get the relationship
extreme intimate with extreme there is
always behind a deep reason
they often go back to childhood the
to discover is indispensable the
process is long it is painful
but it makes it possible to transform its
weaknesses in strength
it helps to gain experience
in life that serves every day and
especially especially it helps to break free
that wars are also
indoor
[Applause]
”
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