The Trouble with Using Labels to Define Instead of Describe | Lance Salyers | TEDxDayton

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do you remember when you realized who

do you remember when you realized who you were for me it was the year 2000

you were for me it was the year 2000

you were for me it was the year 2000 which started I survived y2k turn 10 I

which started I survived y2k turn 10 I

which started I survived y2k turn 10 I did not need all those batteries and

did not need all those batteries and

did not need all those batteries and gallons of water after all but by the

gallons of water after all but by the

gallons of water after all but by the time the year ended I had graduated law

time the year ended I had graduated law

time the year ended I had graduated law school passed the bar exam and I moved

school passed the bar exam and I moved

school passed the bar exam and I moved out here to Dayton to begin my

out here to Dayton to begin my

out here to Dayton to begin my professional career not as a lawyer or

professional career not as a lawyer or

professional career not as a lawyer or is a attorney but as a prosecutor now

is a attorney but as a prosecutor now

is a attorney but as a prosecutor now this distinction it meant more to me

this distinction it meant more to me

this distinction it meant more to me than most because being a prosecutor was

than most because being a prosecutor was

than most because being a prosecutor was more than just a job or even a mission

more than just a job or even a mission

more than just a job or even a mission for me it was a label by which I

for me it was a label by which I

for me it was a label by which I identified myself to the world but also

identified myself to the world but also

identified myself to the world but also to myself you see I would tell people

to myself you see I would tell people

to myself you see I would tell people all the time

all the time

all the time hey when God said I’m gonna build Lance

hey when God said I’m gonna build Lance

hey when God said I’m gonna build Lance I’m gonna make me a prosecutor and

I’m gonna make me a prosecutor and

I’m gonna make me a prosecutor and that’s what he did and when people would

that’s what he did and when people would

that’s what he did and when people would ask me hey are you an attorney I would

ask me hey are you an attorney I would

ask me hey are you an attorney I would say no no I’m a prosecutor even though I

say no no I’m a prosecutor even though I

say no no I’m a prosecutor even though I knew almost without fail

knew almost without fail

knew almost without fail that that answer would create confusion

that that answer would create confusion

that that answer would create confusion instead of clarity being a prosecutor

instead of clarity being a prosecutor

instead of clarity being a prosecutor brought me a sense of pride that frankly

brought me a sense of pride that frankly

brought me a sense of pride that frankly I had never felt before

I had never felt before

I had never felt before I was really good at my job but more

I was really good at my job but more

I was really good at my job but more importantly I did real good by it and

importantly I did real good by it and

importantly I did real good by it and over time

over time

over time my sense of identity wrapped itself

my sense of identity wrapped itself

my sense of identity wrapped itself around that label of prosecutor almost

around that label of prosecutor almost

around that label of prosecutor almost like a piece of foil wrapping itself

like a piece of foil wrapping itself

like a piece of foil wrapping itself tightly around my badge I had other

tightly around my badge I had other

tightly around my badge I had other labels that applied to me at the time so

labels that applied to me at the time so

labels that applied to me at the time so at that point my life

at that point my life

at that point my life I had been a son for about 26 years I

I had been a son for about 26 years I

I had been a son for about 26 years I had been a Christian for about 20 and I

had been a Christian for about 20 and I

had been a Christian for about 20 and I had been a husband for five but if you

had been a husband for five but if you

had been a husband for five but if you asked me who I was I was a prosecutor

asked me who I was I was a prosecutor

asked me who I was I was a prosecutor then one day I got fired

then one day I got fired

then one day I got fired and I wasn’t a prosecutor anymore even

and I wasn’t a prosecutor anymore even

and I wasn’t a prosecutor anymore even now it’s been 11 years I still remember

now it’s been 11 years I still remember

now it’s been 11 years I still remember the pain in my gut when I had to turn in

the pain in my gut when I had to turn in

the pain in my gut when I had to turn in my badge I didn’t cry driving home on

my badge I didn’t cry driving home on

my badge I didn’t cry driving home on i-75 I wept when the hours of shock and

i-75 I wept when the hours of shock and

i-75 I wept when the hours of shock and then the days of anger became months and

then the days of anger became months and

then the days of anger became months and months of outright depression I slowly

months of outright depression I slowly

months of outright depression I slowly started to realize something profound

started to realize something profound

started to realize something profound you see what knocked me off my stride

you see what knocked me off my stride

you see what knocked me off my stride for so long

for so long

for so long wasn’t just the wounded pride of being

wasn’t just the wounded pride of being

wasn’t just the wounded pride of being told to leave and it wasn’t just the

told to leave and it wasn’t just the

told to leave and it wasn’t just the fear of suddenly being without my income

fear of suddenly being without my income

fear of suddenly being without my income as a new father to a five month old

as a new father to a five month old

as a new father to a five month old daughter it was it was deeper than that

daughter it was it was deeper than that

daughter it was it was deeper than that because I had so over identified with

because I had so over identified with

because I had so over identified with that label of prosecutor I had defined

that label of prosecutor I had defined

that label of prosecutor I had defined myself by it

myself by it

myself by it that when it was taken from me I didn’t

that when it was taken from me I didn’t

that when it was taken from me I didn’t know who I was anymore and when that

know who I was anymore and when that

know who I was anymore and when that happened new and darker labels moved in

happened new and darker labels moved in

happened new and darker labels moved in to fill the void eventually after about

to fill the void eventually after about

to fill the void eventually after about a year of rather painful unemployment I

a year of rather painful unemployment I

a year of rather painful unemployment I got back to being a prosecutor again and

got back to being a prosecutor again and

got back to being a prosecutor again and once again that label wasn’t accurate

once again that label wasn’t accurate

once again that label wasn’t accurate adjectives that describe me but

adjectives that describe me but

adjectives that describe me but something was different

something was different

something was different see I knew I couldn’t go back to

see I knew I couldn’t go back to

see I knew I couldn’t go back to allowing that label to be the synonym

allowing that label to be the synonym

allowing that label to be the synonym that defined who I was there had to be

that defined who I was there had to be

that defined who I was there had to be more to my sense of self than just that

more to my sense of self than just that

more to my sense of self than just that one label and we do this all the time we

one label and we do this all the time we

one label and we do this all the time we take things that are true about

take things that are true about

take things that are true about ourselves and we over identify with them

ourselves and we over identify with them

ourselves and we over identify with them to such an extent that we lose touch

to such an extent that we lose touch

to such an extent that we lose touch with some of the other pieces of our

with some of the other pieces of our

with some of the other pieces of our identity that matter as well so it could

identity that matter as well so it could

identity that matter as well so it could be a talent that more than just bringing

be a talent that more than just bringing

be a talent that more than just bringing the respect of our peers becomes the

the respect of our peers becomes the

the respect of our peers becomes the very source of our feeling worthy of

very source of our feeling worthy of

very source of our feeling worthy of respect or it could be a relationship

respect or it could be a relationship

respect or it could be a relationship that brings more than just the love it

that brings more than just the love it

that brings more than just the love it becomes the source of our feeling worthy

becomes the source of our feeling worthy

becomes the source of our feeling worthy of love

being so focused on one aspect of who we

being so focused on one aspect of who we are like this it makes for a fragile

are like this it makes for a fragile

are like this it makes for a fragile sense of self one that is at risk of

sense of self one that is at risk of

sense of self one that is at risk of real damage when adversity comes and

real damage when adversity comes and

real damage when adversity comes and let’s face it

let’s face it

let’s face it adversity always comes at some point the

adversity always comes at some point the

adversity always comes at some point the job gets lost the talent proves

job gets lost the talent proves

job gets lost the talent proves insufficient or the relationship ends

insufficient or the relationship ends

insufficient or the relationship ends and when those events happen we can’t be

and when those events happen we can’t be

and when those events happen we can’t be so fragile that taken a single punch

so fragile that taken a single punch

so fragile that taken a single punch puts us on the ground for a year like it

puts us on the ground for a year like it

puts us on the ground for a year like it did me for each and every one of us here

did me for each and every one of us here

did me for each and every one of us here there’s other people counting on us too

there’s other people counting on us too

there’s other people counting on us too much to let that happen

much to let that happen

much to let that happen but labeling ourselves like this it does

but labeling ourselves like this it does

but labeling ourselves like this it does more than just hamper our sense of

more than just hamper our sense of

more than just hamper our sense of resilience

resilience

resilience it also short-circuits our ability to

it also short-circuits our ability to

it also short-circuits our ability to interface with other people

interface with other people

interface with other people now that word interface is important

now that word interface is important

now that word interface is important because it describes the interaction of

because it describes the interaction of

because it describes the interaction of two otherwise incompatible things so for

two otherwise incompatible things so for

two otherwise incompatible things so for example we use the word interface to

example we use the word interface to

example we use the word interface to describe how keyboards and mice touch

describe how keyboards and mice touch

describe how keyboards and mice touch screens and VR headsets how they enable

screens and VR headsets how they enable

screens and VR headsets how they enable our chemical brains to interact with the

our chemical brains to interact with the

our chemical brains to interact with the electrical circuits of a computer

electrical circuits of a computer

electrical circuits of a computer they’re obvious differences

they’re obvious differences

they’re obvious differences notwithstanding now it’s already hard

notwithstanding now it’s already hard

notwithstanding now it’s already hard enough to interface with people who are

enough to interface with people who are

enough to interface with people who are different from us but what we do with

different from us but what we do with

different from us but what we do with our labels were making it harder see

our labels were making it harder see

our labels were making it harder see when we take these labels and we define

when we take these labels and we define

when we take these labels and we define ourselves by them it exacerbates the

ourselves by them it exacerbates the

ourselves by them it exacerbates the problem now there are voices that say

problem now there are voices that say

problem now there are voices that say well the problems with the labels that

well the problems with the labels that

well the problems with the labels that by using these things to talk about

by using these things to talk about

by using these things to talk about ourselves we’re choosing division over

ourselves we’re choosing division over

ourselves we’re choosing division over unity almost by default and I don’t

unity almost by default and I don’t

unity almost by default and I don’t believe that the problem isn’t the

believe that the problem isn’t the

believe that the problem isn’t the labels it’s not that they’re negative

labels it’s not that they’re negative

labels it’s not that they’re negative labels or even that they’re inaccurate

labels or even that they’re inaccurate

labels or even that they’re inaccurate labels the problems what we’re doing

labels the problems what we’re doing

labels the problems what we’re doing with them we’re using him to define the

with them we’re using him to define the

with them we’re using him to define the boundaries of who we are and when we do

boundaries of who we are and when we do

boundaries of who we are and when we do that it doesn’t matter what the label is

that it doesn’t matter what the label is

that it doesn’t matter what the label is we flatten every last one of them into

we flatten every last one of them into

we flatten every last one of them into mere tribal markers like these two

mere tribal markers like these two

mere tribal markers like these two now your memory may remember dr. Seuss

now your memory may remember dr. Seuss

now your memory may remember dr. Seuss introducing us to the star belly

introducing us to the star belly

introducing us to the star belly Sneetches who would have nothing to do

Sneetches who would have nothing to do

Sneetches who would have nothing to do with their plain belly cousins when a

with their plain belly cousins when a

with their plain belly cousins when a technology arrived though that could put

technology arrived though that could put

technology arrived though that could put stars on those plain bellies you think

stars on those plain bellies you think

stars on those plain bellies you think that would have solved the problem but

that would have solved the problem but

that would have solved the problem but it didn’t you see even though the plain

it didn’t you see even though the plain

it didn’t you see even though the plain bellies now had stars the natural-born

bellies now had stars the natural-born

bellies now had stars the natural-born star belly Sneetches still wanted

star belly Sneetches still wanted

star belly Sneetches still wanted nothing to do with them so much so they

nothing to do with them so much so they

nothing to do with them so much so they went and got another machine and

went and got another machine and

went and got another machine and literally took their stars off because

literally took their stars off because

literally took their stars off because at the end of the day what mattered

at the end of the day what mattered

at the end of the day what mattered wasn’t the halving of the stars it was

wasn’t the halving of the stars it was

wasn’t the halving of the stars it was having an exclusive identity it’s all

having an exclusive identity it’s all

having an exclusive identity it’s all well and good to recognize and yes even

well and good to recognize and yes even

well and good to recognize and yes even celebrate our differences but it’s

celebrate our differences but it’s

celebrate our differences but it’s another thing altogether to cling to

another thing altogether to cling to

another thing altogether to cling to them above everything else now the point

them above everything else now the point

them above everything else now the point here is not to say that your stars and

here is not to say that your stars and

here is not to say that your stars and my stars don’t matter whatever they are

my stars don’t matter whatever they are

my stars don’t matter whatever they are of course they matter how you see the

of course they matter how you see the

of course they matter how you see the world and how the world sees you what

world and how the world sees you what

world and how the world sees you what matters a great deal

matters a great deal

matters a great deal but our growing interface problem isn’t

but our growing interface problem isn’t

but our growing interface problem isn’t one of mandatory exclusion like it’s

one of mandatory exclusion like it’s

one of mandatory exclusion like it’s been in times past thank God

been in times past thank God

been in times past thank God but we’re becoming more isolated from

but we’re becoming more isolated from

but we’re becoming more isolated from the people who don’t share our labels

the people who don’t share our labels

the people who don’t share our labels nowadays because it is more and more we

nowadays because it is more and more we

nowadays because it is more and more we who are choosing voluntary seclusion we

who are choosing voluntary seclusion we

who are choosing voluntary seclusion we sort ourselves by these labels so that

sort ourselves by these labels so that

sort ourselves by these labels so that we can have conversations inside of echo

we can have conversations inside of echo

we can have conversations inside of echo chambers and we only leave those safe

chambers and we only leave those safe

chambers and we only leave those safe spaces to go fight with the other side

spaces to go fight with the other side

spaces to go fight with the other side forget understanding and tolerance it’s

forget understanding and tolerance it’s

forget understanding and tolerance it’s fast becoming a social virtue to not

fast becoming a social virtue to not

fast becoming a social virtue to not hear what the other side has to say now

hear what the other side has to say now

hear what the other side has to say now this spells real trouble for the whole

this spells real trouble for the whole

this spells real trouble for the whole idea of progress and innovation because

idea of progress and innovation because

idea of progress and innovation because as authors Matt Ridley and Steven

as authors Matt Ridley and Steven

as authors Matt Ridley and Steven Johnson have both illustrated the whole

Johnson have both illustrated the whole

Johnson have both illustrated the whole story of human advancement is one of

story of human advancement is one of

story of human advancement is one of creatively mixing already exists

creatively mixing already exists

creatively mixing already exists seeing different ideas so inspiring

seeing different ideas so inspiring

seeing different ideas so inspiring musicians for example they don’t invent

musicians for example they don’t invent

musicians for example they don’t invent the notes that they compose with and

the notes that they compose with and

the notes that they compose with and Masterchef’s

Masterchef’s

Masterchef’s they don’t invent the spices they cook

they don’t invent the spices they cook

they don’t invent the spices they cook with the creativity is in the mixing the

with the creativity is in the mixing the

with the creativity is in the mixing the more different and surprising the

more different and surprising the

more different and surprising the elements involved the greater the

elements involved the greater the

elements involved the greater the artistry at work so take for example one

artistry at work so take for example one

artistry at work so take for example one of the most innovative and disruptive

of the most innovative and disruptive

of the most innovative and disruptive companies around right now

companies around right now

companies around right now Airbnb when it was originally founded in

Airbnb when it was originally founded in

Airbnb when it was originally founded in 2008 as air bed-and-breakfast the

2008 as air bed-and-breakfast the

2008 as air bed-and-breakfast the founders of Airbnb didn’t invent the

founders of Airbnb didn’t invent the

founders of Airbnb didn’t invent the idea of the bed or the breakfast and not

idea of the bed or the breakfast and not

idea of the bed or the breakfast and not even the bed and breakfast and they

even the bed and breakfast and they

even the bed and breakfast and they certainly weren’t the first people who

certainly weren’t the first people who

certainly weren’t the first people who ever put up a guest on an air mattress

ever put up a guest on an air mattress

ever put up a guest on an air mattress on their living room they didn’t dream

on their living room they didn’t dream

on their living room they didn’t dream up the internet right the language that

up the internet right the language that

up the internet right the language that runs it designed the browsers that surf

runs it designed the browsers that surf

runs it designed the browsers that surf it or even conceive of putting

it or even conceive of putting

it or even conceive of putting classified ads on it they weren’t the

classified ads on it they weren’t the

classified ads on it they weren’t the first people to recognize the monetary

first people to recognize the monetary

first people to recognize the monetary value of trust they didn’t invent the

value of trust they didn’t invent the

value of trust they didn’t invent the customer review that converts that trust

customer review that converts that trust

customer review that converts that trust into an asset nor were they the people

into an asset nor were they the people

into an asset nor were they the people who figured out how to secure payments

who figured out how to secure payments

who figured out how to secure payments online between strangers that you need

online between strangers that you need

online between strangers that you need to protect that trust in fact they

to protect that trust in fact they

to protect that trust in fact they caught a lot of flack in design circles

caught a lot of flack in design circles

caught a lot of flack in design circles for not even being very original in the

for not even being very original in the

for not even being very original in the design of their new logo and yet after

design of their new logo and yet after

design of their new logo and yet after only eight years Airbnb is the largest

only eight years Airbnb is the largest

only eight years Airbnb is the largest travel lodging company in the world

travel lodging company in the world

travel lodging company in the world despite owning zero real estate and

despite owning zero real estate and

despite owning zero real estate and having invented none of the elements of

having invented none of the elements of

having invented none of the elements of their success right what they did what

their success right what they did what

their success right what they did what the founders vert B&B did is they were

the founders vert B&B did is they were

the founders vert B&B did is they were the ones who creatively mixed all of

the ones who creatively mixed all of

the ones who creatively mixed all of these existing ingredients together in

these existing ingredients together in

these existing ingredients together in just this way this process this creative

just this way this process this creative

just this way this process this creative mixing it can only occur if the

mixing it can only occur if the

mixing it can only occur if the different ideas and yes the different

different ideas and yes the different

different ideas and yes the different people who have those different ideas

people who have those different ideas

people who have those different ideas they’ve got to mix it up with each other

they’ve got to mix it up with each other

they’ve got to mix it up with each other but

but

but we take these labels that we have for

we take these labels that we have for

we take these labels that we have for ourselves and we use them to define who

ourselves and we use them to define who

ourselves and we use them to define who we are the boundaries in which we will

we are the boundaries in which we will

we are the boundaries in which we will live the less likely that mixing is

live the less likely that mixing is

live the less likely that mixing is going to occur now over 2,000 years ago

going to occur now over 2,000 years ago

going to occur now over 2,000 years ago Aristotle taught that the words we use

Aristotle taught that the words we use

Aristotle taught that the words we use to describe things literally shapes how

to describe things literally shapes how

to describe things literally shapes how we think about them nearly 70 years ago

we think about them nearly 70 years ago

we think about them nearly 70 years ago George Orwell showed the power of words

George Orwell showed the power of words

George Orwell showed the power of words to do the opposite to hide meaning and

to do the opposite to hide meaning and

to do the opposite to hide meaning and discourage thought if our labels for

discourage thought if our labels for

discourage thought if our labels for ourselves are to be a source of

ourselves are to be a source of

ourselves are to be a source of creativity if they are to stimulate

creativity if they are to stimulate

creativity if they are to stimulate thought instead of smothering we have to

thought instead of smothering we have to

thought instead of smothering we have to put them in their proper perspective as

put them in their proper perspective as

put them in their proper perspective as simply different ways of naming the

simply different ways of naming the

simply different ways of naming the different facets of what it means to be

different facets of what it means to be

different facets of what it means to be human because at its core being human is

human because at its core being human is

human because at its core being human is about exceeding our limitations not

about exceeding our limitations not

about exceeding our limitations not defining ourselves by them see we don’t

defining ourselves by them see we don’t

defining ourselves by them see we don’t just use these legs and feet to walk

just use these legs and feet to walk

just use these legs and feet to walk upright we put footprints on the moon we

upright we put footprints on the moon we

upright we put footprints on the moon we don’t just use these larger brains to

don’t just use these larger brains to

don’t just use these larger brains to process information more rationally and

process information more rationally and

process information more rationally and rapidly we unlock the mysteries of the

rapidly we unlock the mysteries of the

rapidly we unlock the mysteries of the universe and we don’t just use these

universe and we don’t just use these

universe and we don’t just use these this magical gift of language to speak

this magical gift of language to speak

this magical gift of language to speak we make dreams come to life so who are

we make dreams come to life so who are

we make dreams come to life so who are you about you up there who are you about

you about you up there who are you about

you about you up there who are you about you

you

you if not your name by what label would you

if not your name by what label would you

if not your name by what label would you identify yourself your politics your

identify yourself your politics your

identify yourself your politics your religion

religion

religion maybe it’s the title of your gender

maybe it’s the title of your gender

maybe it’s the title of your gender maybe it’s the title on your business

maybe it’s the title on your business

maybe it’s the title on your business card is it the color of your skin it’s

card is it the color of your skin it’s

card is it the color of your skin it’s at the color of your uniform regardless

at the color of your uniform regardless

at the color of your uniform regardless of what label you would answer there the

of what label you would answer there the

of what label you would answer there the most important question is this does

most important question is this does

most important question is this does that label describe you or define you

that label describe you or define you

that label describe you or define you does it serve as a window that frames

does it serve as a window that frames

does it serve as a window that frames how you see the world but still allows

how you see the world but still allows

how you see the world but still allows different views to pass through or is it

different views to pass through or is it

different views to pass through or is it more like a mirror that with whatever

more like a mirror that with whatever

more like a mirror that with whatever you hold it up against it always

you hold it up against it always

you hold it up against it always reflects the same thing you whatever

reflects the same thing you whatever

reflects the same thing you whatever labels are true for you know this

labels are true for you know this

labels are true for you know this there’s more to you than that there’s

there’s more to you than that there’s

there’s more to you than that there’s more to every one of us than that and

more to every one of us than that and

more to every one of us than that and embracing that more Ness that’s the key

embracing that more Ness that’s the key

embracing that more Ness that’s the key to resilient lis handling life’s

to resilient lis handling life’s

to resilient lis handling life’s adversity and creatively solving life’s

adversity and creatively solving life’s

adversity and creatively solving life’s problems so who are you

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

[Music]

[Music] you