[Applause] my body my body my body my body is my
my body my body my body my body is my
my body my body my body my body is my first place of geography my first map
first place of geography my first map
first place of geography my first map first landscape it’s the first place I
first landscape it’s the first place I
first landscape it’s the first place I learned the importance of belonging I do
learned the importance of belonging I do
learned the importance of belonging I do not want to lose it on my skin you will
not want to lose it on my skin you will
not want to lose it on my skin you will see that I’m a child born of immigrants
see that I’m a child born of immigrants
see that I’m a child born of immigrants chocolate brown and tinged with Sona
chocolate brown and tinged with Sona
chocolate brown and tinged with Sona Chihuahua Novelli my parents held
Chihuahua Novelli my parents held
Chihuahua Novelli my parents held Zimbabwe in their hearts moved me within
Zimbabwe in their hearts moved me within
Zimbabwe in their hearts moved me within it steeped in its hellos its food and
it steeped in its hellos its food and
it steeped in its hellos its food and its rituals that land remained alive in
its rituals that land remained alive in
its rituals that land remained alive in our home on my tongue the words roll off
our home on my tongue the words roll off
our home on my tongue the words roll off rough and unruly a lingering ache
rough and unruly a lingering ache
rough and unruly a lingering ache remembered a yearning longing to be
remembered a yearning longing to be
remembered a yearning longing to be spoken did a poo muck ideal had been an
spoken did a poo muck ideal had been an
spoken did a poo muck ideal had been an honour of elders hands upheld and
honour of elders hands upheld and
honour of elders hands upheld and offering water to wash hands rituals my
offering water to wash hands rituals my
offering water to wash hands rituals my body has performed in reverence remain
body has performed in reverence remain
body has performed in reverence remain etched in my muscle memory I’m a river a
etched in my muscle memory I’m a river a
etched in my muscle memory I’m a river a border crossed and sunk within
border crossed and sunk within
border crossed and sunk within resurfacing how to hold my body upright
resurfacing how to hold my body upright
resurfacing how to hold my body upright shoulders and curled from lifetimes of
shoulders and curled from lifetimes of
shoulders and curled from lifetimes of insecurity
insecurity
insecurity I learned to stand tall to keep eyes
I learned to stand tall to keep eyes
I learned to stand tall to keep eyes level to hold delicately and firmly
level to hold delicately and firmly
level to hold delicately and firmly myself how to move ripe rounded swaying
myself how to move ripe rounded swaying
myself how to move ripe rounded swaying gliding through crowds holding books and
gliding through crowds holding books and
gliding through crowds holding books and pots on my head this this is remembered
pots on my head this this is remembered
pots on my head this this is remembered from before my body is memory on August
from before my body is memory on August
from before my body is memory on August 28 2014 my life burst open I was in New
28 2014 my life burst open I was in New
28 2014 my life burst open I was in New York working on my silver performance
York working on my silver performance
York working on my silver performance piece looking at abroad and as I jumped
piece looking at abroad and as I jumped
piece looking at abroad and as I jumped back and forth across a rope that was
back and forth across a rope that was
back and forth across a rope that was the delineations of my body of borders
the delineations of my body of borders
the delineations of my body of borders of crossing race and gender and
of crossing race and gender and
of crossing race and gender and sexuality something happened my Achilles
sexuality something happened my Achilles
sexuality something happened my Achilles tendon rupture
tendon rupture
tendon rupture and there I was 29 years old with the
and there I was 29 years old with the
and there I was 29 years old with the first injury I’d ever really had in my
first injury I’d ever really had in my
first injury I’d ever really had in my life
life
life and instead of going back home to put up
and instead of going back home to put up
and instead of going back home to put up my show I went back to New Orleans and
my show I went back to New Orleans and
my show I went back to New Orleans and began the healing process ritual number
began the healing process ritual number
began the healing process ritual number one Stillman
one Stillman
one Stillman I was in denial when I got hurt I
I was in denial when I got hurt I
I was in denial when I got hurt I somehow managed to walk through the
somehow managed to walk through the
somehow managed to walk through the entirety of the JFK International
entirety of the JFK International
entirety of the JFK International Airport with a ruptured Achilles tendon
Airport with a ruptured Achilles tendon
Airport with a ruptured Achilles tendon and not until my doctor said that I
and not until my doctor said that I
and not until my doctor said that I would be in a cast for six to eight
would be in a cast for six to eight
would be in a cast for six to eight weeks and a boot for another two to
weeks and a boot for another two to
weeks and a boot for another two to three months did I understand the
three months did I understand the
three months did I understand the severity of what had happened so I went
severity of what had happened so I went
severity of what had happened so I went home to my apartment that I just moved
home to my apartment that I just moved
home to my apartment that I just moved in to you by myself with my dog that I
in to you by myself with my dog that I
in to you by myself with my dog that I just acquired and cried I didn’t know
just acquired and cried I didn’t know
just acquired and cried I didn’t know what to do see I’m a theatre artist I’m
what to do see I’m a theatre artist I’m
what to do see I’m a theatre artist I’m a mover I want to explore space and time
a mover I want to explore space and time
a mover I want to explore space and time with my whole body and I had to sit
with my whole body and I had to sit
with my whole body and I had to sit still a good friend a neighbor
still a good friend a neighbor
still a good friend a neighbor encouraged me to begin meditating and
encouraged me to begin meditating and
encouraged me to begin meditating and after a few days of wallowing in my own
after a few days of wallowing in my own
after a few days of wallowing in my own misery I woke up one morning went out
misery I woke up one morning went out
misery I woke up one morning went out into the backyard sat in the Sun and
into the backyard sat in the Sun and
into the backyard sat in the Sun and meditated and then I cried and then I
meditated and then I cried and then I
meditated and then I cried and then I wrote and the next day I did it again
wrote and the next day I did it again
wrote and the next day I did it again and then I did it again I would go
and then I did it again I would go
and then I did it again I would go outside I would sit
outside I would sit
outside I would sit I would meditate I would cry and I would
I would meditate I would cry and I would
I would meditate I would cry and I would write and as I did things began to open
write and as I did things began to open
write and as I did things began to open up I began to be more vulnerable with
up I began to be more vulnerable with
up I began to be more vulnerable with myself more honest about the fact that I
myself more honest about the fact that I
myself more honest about the fact that I was sad and depressed and lonely and
was sad and depressed and lonely and
was sad and depressed and lonely and that I had a lot of people around me who
that I had a lot of people around me who
that I had a lot of people around me who were there to support me and must begin
were there to support me and must begin
were there to support me and must begin my gratitude practice ritual number to
my gratitude practice ritual number to
my gratitude practice ritual number to daily practice
daily practice
daily practice so I have really great friends and after
so I have really great friends and after
so I have really great friends and after this happened one of my friends
this happened one of my friends
this happened one of my friends organized the schedule and so there were
organized the schedule and so there were
organized the schedule and so there were people who came and walked my dog in the
people who came and walked my dog in the
people who came and walked my dog in the morning and people who came to walk my
morning and people who came to walk my
morning and people who came to walk my dog in the evenings and friends who
dog in the evenings and friends who
dog in the evenings and friends who brought over lunch because I couldn’t
brought over lunch because I couldn’t
brought over lunch because I couldn’t stand that long to cook and friends who
stand that long to cook and friends who
stand that long to cook and friends who brought over dinner and I would start to
brought over dinner and I would start to
brought over dinner and I would start to write on Facebook everything that I was
write on Facebook everything that I was
write on Facebook everything that I was grateful for I’m grateful for Emily who
grateful for I’m grateful for Emily who
grateful for I’m grateful for Emily who walks my dog I am grateful for Savannah
walks my dog I am grateful for Savannah
walks my dog I am grateful for Savannah who made me lunch I am grateful for the
who made me lunch I am grateful for the
who made me lunch I am grateful for the coloring books that Chris brought by for
coloring books that Chris brought by for
coloring books that Chris brought by for me to pass my time the fall of 2014 was
me to pass my time the fall of 2014 was
me to pass my time the fall of 2014 was also about when the black lives matter
also about when the black lives matter
also about when the black lives matter movement became really visible in the
movement became really visible in the
movement became really visible in the media and as a writer I started writing
media and as a writer I started writing
media and as a writer I started writing poetry so everyone every black person
poetry so everyone every black person
poetry so everyone every black person every black boy every black girl that
every black boy every black girl that
every black boy every black girl that was murdered by the police I began to
was murdered by the police I began to
was murdered by the police I began to write a poem for them and that became
write a poem for them and that became
write a poem for them and that became part of my practice and then I wanted to
part of my practice and then I wanted to
part of my practice and then I wanted to find ways to invite other people into
find ways to invite other people into
find ways to invite other people into the rituals that I was creating for
the rituals that I was creating for
the rituals that I was creating for myself and so I had a party I had a
myself and so I had a party I had a
myself and so I had a party I had a casting party with my friends and
casting party with my friends and
casting party with my friends and everyone came over and we decorated my
everyone came over and we decorated my
everyone came over and we decorated my cast together and there was this lovely
cast together and there was this lovely
cast together and there was this lovely little girl giving side-eye
little girl giving side-eye
little girl giving side-eye and on the back it said s is for soul
and on the back it said s is for soul
and on the back it said s is for soul sister and they drew some stars and some
sister and they drew some stars and some
sister and they drew some stars and some Sun and they did my toenails
Sun and they did my toenails
Sun and they did my toenails did you know adornment is very important
did you know adornment is very important
did you know adornment is very important and we had a really great time and we
and we had a really great time and we
and we had a really great time and we also wrote together and we staying
also wrote together and we staying
also wrote together and we staying together and we colored together and I
together and we colored together and I
together and we colored together and I started to form communities of practice
started to form communities of practice
started to form communities of practice around the rituals that I was creating
around the rituals that I was creating
around the rituals that I was creating for myself I am a multidisciplinary
for myself I am a multidisciplinary
for myself I am a multidisciplinary ritual and theatre performance artist so
ritual and theatre performance artist so
ritual and theatre performance artist so for me it’s really important that my
for me it’s really important that my
for me it’s really important that my work becomes an extension of myself goes
work becomes an extension of myself goes
work becomes an extension of myself goes out beyond myself and this was a way to
out beyond myself and this was a way to
out beyond myself and this was a way to begin doing it my solo show looking at a
begin doing it my solo show looking at a
begin doing it my solo show looking at a bride the piece from the beginning is
bride the piece from the beginning is
bride the piece from the beginning is from that piece is about finding home in
from that piece is about finding home in
from that piece is about finding home in one’s body about traversing borders and
one’s body about traversing borders and
one’s body about traversing borders and boundaries the piece was supposed to
boundaries the piece was supposed to
boundaries the piece was supposed to happen in October of 2015 and instead my
happen in October of 2015 and instead my
happen in October of 2015 and instead my friends and I in the wild seeds Octavia
friends and I in the wild seeds Octavia
friends and I in the wild seeds Octavia Butler emergence strategies organizing
Butler emergence strategies organizing
Butler emergence strategies organizing book club decided to host an event
book club decided to host an event
book club decided to host an event called the wild seeds weekend of magic
called the wild seeds weekend of magic
called the wild seeds weekend of magic and during that event there were three
and during that event there were three
and during that event there were three occasion there was a conversation about
occasion there was a conversation about
occasion there was a conversation about gender-based violence there was a pop-up
gender-based violence there was a pop-up
gender-based violence there was a pop-up show and there was a black feminist
show and there was a black feminist
show and there was a black feminist healing revival and again it was a place
healing revival and again it was a place
healing revival and again it was a place to take the tools that I’ve been
to take the tools that I’ve been
to take the tools that I’ve been cultivating the preparation that I had
cultivating the preparation that I had
cultivating the preparation that I had laid and to start to do something with
laid and to start to do something with
laid and to start to do something with it to create some collective ritual
it to create some collective ritual
it to create some collective ritual around the grief that so many people
around the grief that so many people
around the grief that so many people were holding the joy that we wanted to
were holding the joy that we wanted to
were holding the joy that we wanted to manifest and so at this revival we
manifest and so at this revival we
manifest and so at this revival we meditated and we cried and we wrote we
meditated and we cried and we wrote we
meditated and we cried and we wrote we wrote affirmations for each other we
wrote affirmations for each other we
wrote affirmations for each other we wrote prayers we wrote dreams it was
wrote prayers we wrote dreams it was
wrote prayers we wrote dreams it was really incredible ritual number three
really incredible ritual number three
really incredible ritual number three creative transformation so while I was
creative transformation so while I was
creative transformation so while I was convalescing I had a lot of time on my
convalescing I had a lot of time on my
convalescing I had a lot of time on my hands
hands
hands and I was working with this really
and I was working with this really
and I was working with this really amazing book Julia Cameron’s the artists
amazing book Julia Cameron’s the artists
amazing book Julia Cameron’s the artists way and I made it through five chapters
way and I made it through five chapters
way and I made it through five chapters and ideas were just coming ideas for
and ideas were just coming ideas for
and ideas were just coming ideas for creative projects ideas for poems ideas
creative projects ideas for poems ideas
creative projects ideas for poems ideas for books ideas for movies and one of
for books ideas for movies and one of
for books ideas for movies and one of the pieces was a ritual performance
the pieces was a ritual performance
the pieces was a ritual performance piece called vessels that I’m currently
piece called vessels that I’m currently
piece called vessels that I’m currently working on that is a seven woman
working on that is a seven woman
working on that is a seven woman harmonic meditation on the Middle
harmonic meditation on the Middle
harmonic meditation on the Middle Passage that’s looking to answer the
Passage that’s looking to answer the
Passage that’s looking to answer the question what this freedom sound like in
question what this freedom sound like in
question what this freedom sound like in a space of confinement I wrote a grant
a space of confinement I wrote a grant
a space of confinement I wrote a grant for it in October started walking in
for it in October started walking in
for it in October started walking in February got the grant in April and was
February got the grant in April and was
February got the grant in April and was on a plane in July
on a plane in July
on a plane in July this is me in Infini learning some
this is me in Infini learning some
this is me in Infini learning some dances and some songs and some rituals
dances and some songs and some rituals
dances and some songs and some rituals of women they’re learning more things to
of women they’re learning more things to
of women they’re learning more things to incorporate into the process of my work
incorporate into the process of my work
incorporate into the process of my work I think it’s really important when
I think it’s really important when
I think it’s really important when making work about transformative justice
making work about transformative justice
making work about transformative justice to make sure that I’m okay
to make sure that I’m okay
to make sure that I’m okay and I learned from that preparation and
and I learned from that preparation and
and I learned from that preparation and from that stillness that in order for me
from that stillness that in order for me
from that stillness that in order for me to be okay there had to be spaces for me
to be okay there had to be spaces for me
to be okay there had to be spaces for me to rest there had to be spaces for me to
to rest there had to be spaces for me to
to rest there had to be spaces for me to cultivate and there had to be spaces for
cultivate and there had to be spaces for
cultivate and there had to be spaces for me to transform to shift my practice to
me to transform to shift my practice to
me to transform to shift my practice to shift the way in which I was operating
shift the way in which I was operating
shift the way in which I was operating in the world so now I’m going to invite
in the world so now I’m going to invite
in the world so now I’m going to invite all of you encourage all of you to think
all of you encourage all of you to think
all of you encourage all of you to think about what your own rituals are and if
about what your own rituals are and if
about what your own rituals are and if you don’t have any what they could be
you don’t have any what they could be
you don’t have any what they could be and we’re actually going to do a short
and we’re actually going to do a short
and we’re actually going to do a short ritual together so I’m going to ask for
ritual together so I’m going to ask for
ritual together so I’m going to ask for everyone to find your feet planted on
everyone to find your feet planted on
everyone to find your feet planted on the ground your chairs are real
the ground your chairs are real
the ground your chairs are real comfortable so if you’re leaning back
comfortable so if you’re leaning back
comfortable so if you’re leaning back and scoot forward a little bit and I’m
and scoot forward a little bit and I’m
and scoot forward a little bit and I’m going to ask you to close your eyes and
going to ask you to close your eyes and
going to ask you to close your eyes and to come to stillness and I want you to
to come to stillness and I want you to
to come to stillness and I want you to breathe I want you to inhale and I want
breathe I want you to inhale and I want
breathe I want you to inhale and I want you to exhale
inhale again and exhale inhale fill up
inhale again and exhale inhale fill up your lung
your lung
your lung pull up your old back fill up your chest
pull up your old back fill up your chest
pull up your old back fill up your chest and exhale as you continue to do this I
and exhale as you continue to do this I
and exhale as you continue to do this I want you to think about what you want to
want you to think about what you want to
want you to think about what you want to release what’s not serving you
release what’s not serving you
release what’s not serving you what is inhibiting your growth and on
what is inhibiting your growth and on
what is inhibiting your growth and on your next inhale I want you to take it
your next inhale I want you to take it
your next inhale I want you to take it in and on your exhale I want you to
in and on your exhale I want you to
in and on your exhale I want you to breathe it out
and now I want you to think about what
and now I want you to think about what you want to receive what would support
you want to receive what would support
you want to receive what would support your work your family your community
your work your family your community
your work your family your community this world and I want you to breathe
this world and I want you to breathe
this world and I want you to breathe that in
thank you so much for taking the time to
thank you so much for taking the time to be in ritual space with me I hope that
be in ritual space with me I hope that
be in ritual space with me I hope that you can find things that help you the
you can find things that help you the
you can find things that help you the better do your best work on your journey
”
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