(Bravo)
I will talk about masculinity or the crisis of masculinity
and my perspective is precisely because
that this will be the prospect of a therapeutic cabinet.
Every day I am a psychiatrist and family therapist.
And my experience,
it will be a kind of generalization
what’s going on in the office, but remember,
that this generalization is always doubtful,
because it’s not based on sociological research,
not the conclusions of cultural anthropologists, just what happens to me
in a meeting with families, couples, marriages in the office.
This is a turbulent situation.
This is a situation when people are in crisis
and looking for help.
I want to tell you about the crisis of masculinity by pointing out
that this is actually good news.
This crisis is good news.
A bit according to the saying that it can be the beginning of something good.
And I want to tell you about this crisis
through these three views.
The first version is the situation of a man who loses power.
It’s a bit like in this picture on the left.
On the one hand, it may remind you of the crown,
and this is also a knuckle-duster.
But the woman said she could handle it,
that he can win, and in any case, that he can not be humiliated.
It will be, in a sense, the continuation of this,
what have you heard from the previous TED just a moment ago?
And if you look at it from the perspective of the therapeutic cabinet,
it can be said about something like dethroning macho.
You may have the knowledge of how a genogram looks like,
that is a kind of graphical record of the family tree.
Those in red are parents, and then there is a king.
The king, the ruler, the one who knows better, the one who has the financial power,
the law of culture rules.
And on the right, this blue line is from an egalitarian pattern,
where a woman has equal rights like a man,
where is respected, where both access to work and money is such,
that she claims she can do something and has rights like this man.
And, of course, this situation gives rise to conflict.
This situation means that it is not known what this boy is green in
he will do it.
It’s a clash of two patriarchal and egalitarian patterns,
it will be something that will be in addition, initially lived
as a natural combat law:
“I am right, I will win, I will convince the other”,
but from some point it will mean
“You obviously do not love me.”
“Because if you do not agree with me, if you want to go to work,
and in my family it was like this
that a woman – my mother, my grandmother,
it was from so-called ‘bustle’, i.e. kitchen, meal, washing;
and I was the one who brought the money, I was the one who ruled,
if you do not want to do it, if you have any guts
and you think that you will go to work, apparently you are against me. “
And this is a situation that could be said
is the first installment.
The second scene is the scene of a man who is chasing after success.
This is a situation where, again – taught,
that we are to provide not only money, but we deserve fame,
we deserve honor and we deserve gold medals,
so it will be best if we are a lot at work.
Yes, how do you have here on this photo on the right.
It’s probably midnight, and they’re all still working.
Here, in small letters, it says:
He avoids her because she chases him.
She is chasing him because he wants to have him with him.
She needs affection, intimacy, conversation, contact.
Well, the shortest – love.
But she wants it that way, or she asks for it,
that he hides at work.
How is he hiding at work,
it hurts her even more.
If it hurts her, she even asks for it,
to have more.
But maybe he asks so insistently, in this way he escapes to work,
but he does not say, “I’m running to work,” he just says, “I have to work,
because I have to keep you. “
Note that there is something we call in therapy
circular causality.
I mean, we say:
he is not guilty, he is not guilty,
only this is the fault feedback.
In this way, we can help them more,
because it helps you get worse by blaming yourself.
And it’s easier to help when we show this couple,
that their trouble is not that she needs him
or that he avoids her,
only they are in such a loop of objections.
And this is the scene of a lonely workaholic.
A lone workaholic.
It is known that those who work a lot,
on the one hand, at 8 pm, more or less, they have a lecture,
and also at this time,
my wife is waiting at home and asks whether to make supper for me.
But she works too,
so I do not have to be so lonely.
In any case, I can recognize, or rather I want to encourage you
to look at it when you are in conflict
with a partner, with a partner, try to avoid such a version
under the title “It’s your fault”.
Because first of all you will have the same in return, only in the reverse,
and secondly it will not give you any solution.
Rather, try to see what is the feedback,
what is it that happens after the wheel.
A little bit like on a carousel, where two horses ride around
and it’s hard to say if they are on the opposite side of this axis,
it’s hard to say who is caught and who is chasing someone.
Especially if they are exactly on the other side.
And often marriages, often couples,
which go to the therapeutic office,
they are in this situation.
Then we show that he does not owe it, he does not owe it,
just that they got on this merry-go-round and this carousel mechanism
it would be worth seeing.
And the third situation, more and more popular,
due to this climate, which we call, probably aptly,
postmodern – where many are allowed
and where there is always something else than pleasure is primary.
Now, we’re talking about the patchwork family,
and that means that this family consists of several families.
This is my experience, actually from the current one
because of me therapy.
Of course, it’s not my right or the willingness to disclose details,
but the situation is that there is a married couple,
this is the master of heaven and with this green lady on the other side,
so gray and green,
and this couple is in a divorce.
And this couple has two children.
But this green lady also has this yellow husband and they are together.
But she also has a daughter from a previous marriage
and he is in a divorce.
The gentleman who was in the second divorce also has a son
from the previous divorce.
I give a word of honor, this is not a situation I’ve made up
for the need to meet with the state.
And the problem is that this woman and this man
they have so-called torn loyalty.
They want to be good people, they do not want to leave their children
from previous compounds, samopas.
They want to take care of their education.
They want to think how to help them.
They meet each Christmas in several places.
And that is something that you could call
a closed relationship and chaos of obligations.
This is a situation that will be more and more
because of how the family pattern changes,
how the pattern of love changes,
how the sense of the word changes.
I’m not being criticized now
whether to say: what belongs and what does not belong.
But in any case, it’s like this patchwork,
which is something a bit like a collage, yes.
In any case, notice that next to this problem,
which scrolled through our today’s meeting,
I mean, what man has trouble showing emotions and emotions
in particular feelings of weakness, because it does not fall out,
because the cultural pattern prohibits.
This is something else, an internal commitment,
for example, to be good for those who were conceived,
or being good to the woman with whom you were in a relationship.
In this way a certain, maybe simplified,
portrait of a modern man.
As you can see, considering that all in rust,
it can be said that he is in a crisis.
He is annulled, just by this situation
loss of the throne.
This is the man who already knows he has no right
to being a monopolist.
He is tired of the competition he commands
all day and work all day long and dream about a career,
and participate in this rat-race.
He is also helpless in the face of this loyalty tear,
between the necessity of being good to everyone.
And what do women consider to be masculinity?
This is the question of how his race is going,
his dethronement and his torn loyalty
to what the statistics suggest.
Well, the woman wishes for protection.
Well, if he can give her protection
when is he so long at work?
The woman wishes her respect.
Yes, but if he is the king, there will not be much respect.
Well, but can he give her some more material stability?
Well, not how he is split
between a series of children, a number of women from previous relationships.
These three most important percentages are calculated,
it turns out that in this current version
they will be poor.
And this is the crisis that I think is good,
that this crisis is happening, because in this way,
if there is more protection, more respect
and more sense of security,
what is true, this man will have to question
your previous masculinity,
the idea that he has from his grandfather’s grandfather, he as a patriarch of the family,
but it’s possible that more, in fact, he will answer it,
what a woman needs.
It turns out that only 10% of women
I need domination in a relationship.
This is good news
for 90% of men and 100% of women.
Therefore, the man faces a challenge.
He must understand better what is going on around him.
The films you saw in the past hour,
this is the view, this is the opportunity
See you how it is from the inside.
But at the same time a man must create himself anew,
I mean, it’s not supposed to be this king,
he does not have to be this runner anymore,
nor so torn apart by a series of obligations.
Well, in this sense, it’s bad, but even good,
that, willy-nilly, like a tree from a beach in Greece,
he must stay up if he does not want to die.
He must stay in a new way.
Thank you very much.
(Bravo)
”
Be First to Comment